And while you’re at it, quit shaming other gay men for being feminine or having “gay” interests. Stop choosing your friends based primarily on their physical attractiveness. If you don’t want to be scrutinized and shamed, then stop doing it to others.
For example, I practice daily meditation to help with this and highly recommend apps like Headspace to get you started if you’re looking for a beginner’s guide to meditation. Practice giving yourself self-acceptance before you enter into such environments and grow your ability to recognize when you give that power away to someone or something else. Are you triggered by certain gay bars? Do certain “friends” in your life make you feel ugly when you’re in their presence? Prepare yourself before you interact with these triggers.
Become aware of which people and environments cause you to feel triggered and run for the gym to pump more iron. Consider it a complimentary Emotions 101 class.
Will Meek on how to recognize and process emotion. In the meantime, here’s a quick breakdown by Dr.
Also, there’s no shame in seeking the help of a professional therapist if you get stuck. Both books will kick your ass and put you through an emotional boot camp. If you need a good book as a primer to figure out how to understand and process your emotions better, I recommend Brene Brown’s Rising Strong and Alan Downs’ The Velvet Rage. This sounds simplistic, but it is crucial for anyone who desires strong mental health.